ZZJoke.com - Joke

A couple of hunters were out in the woods when one of them fell to the ground clutching his chest.

After struggling for a few seconds,he seemed to stop breathing. The other hunter quickly pulls out his cellphone and dials 911.
He gasps to the operator, "My friend is dead! What should I do?"

In a soothing voice, the operator says, "Try to remain calm, sir. I can help you. First, we need to make sure he's dead."

Immediately the operator heard a shot.

The frantic hunter comes back on the line and says, "Okay, now what?"

From ZZJoke.com

Dear Abby,

My husband is not happy with my mood swings.

The other day, he bought me a mood ring so he would be able to monitor my moods.
When I'm in a good mood it turns green.
When I'm in a bad mood it leaves a big red mark on his forehead.
Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond.

Sincerely,

Moody in Buffalo

Smile and be Thankful...

A guy calls up his stock broker’s office and asks to speak to his broker Mr. Smith. After an awkward pause the receptionist at the other end informs the client that his broker had died. The caller says nothing in response and hangs up the phone.

A while later the client calls up the office again and asks to speak to his broker. The receptionist pauses for a moment and responds by saying "I'm sorry sir, but your broker is dead." Again, the man says nothing and hangs up the phone.

Several hours later the man calls up again making the same request. The bewildered receptionist asks the caller "Haven't you called here already today asking to speak to Mr. Smith?" The caller replies with a simple "No." The receptionist once again informs the gentleman that his broker has died.

Later on that day the same client calls up the office again, asking to speak to his broker. This time the receptionist is certain that it’s the same guy calling again, so she transfers him to the manager. The manager picks up the phone and offers his assistance. After the caller requests to speak to his broker, the manager responds, "Sir, we have records that you have already called here three times today. Each time you ask to speak to your broker and each time we inform you that your broker has passed away. Why do you keep calling? Don't you realize that the man is dead?"

To this the caller responds, "Oh, I realize that he's dead, I just like to hear you say it..."

Joke

A drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends late one night, and led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong.

"What's that big brass gong?" one of the guests asked.

"It's not a gong. It's a talking clock," the drunk replied.

"A talking clock? Seriously?" asked his astonished friend.
"Yup," replied the drunk.

"How's it work?" the friend asked, squinting at it.

"Watch," the drunk replied. He picked up the mallet, gave it an ear-shattering pound, and stepped back. The three stood looking at one another for a moment.

Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, "You bastard it's ten past three in the morning!"

-from my friend at ZZJoke.com

FROM ZZJOKE.COM - Jokes

for a change of pace...

A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door.

The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger standing in the pouring rain is asking for a push. "Not a chance" says the husband "It's three o'clock in the morning!"

He slams the door and returns to bed. "Who was it?" asks his wife.

"Just a drunken stranger asking for a push" he answers.

"Did you help him?" she asks.

"NO, I didn't, it's 3 o'clock in the morning and it's pouring rain!!"

"Well, you've got a short memory" says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down on vacation and those two guys helped us out? I think you should help him."

The man does as he is told and gets dressed and goes out in the pouring rain and calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes," comes the answer.

"Do you still want a push?" calls out the husband.

"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.

"Where are you?" asks the husband

"Over here, on the swing" the drunk replies...

Please Note

Virus Alert!

There is this dangerous virus being passed electronically, orally, and by hand.
This virus is called Worm-Overload-Recreational-Killer (WORK).

If you receive WORK from any of your colleagues your boss or anyone else via any means DO NOT TOUCH IT.

This virus will wipe out your private life completely.

If you should come into contact with WORK put your jacket on and take two good friends to the nearest bar.

Purchase the antidote known as Work-Isolator-Neutralizer-Extractor (WINE) or Bothersome-Employer-Eliminator-Rebooter (BEER).

Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system...